What do you do, when you see yourself changing? When your behaviour, your way of thinking, your attitude and your outlook start to undergo a metamorphosis? Like always, some of the changes maybe good, while some may, well, not be so good.
It's almost like you are a spectator, an outsider to yourself when you see yourself changing. And there are times when you feel that your soul is out there and that your body is just some object in which your soul takes a physical form. But I am digressing.
Back to the point - the 'new' you stands before you! (I wanted to write 'new and improved' but that may not always be the case). Just like basic human attention to novelty - you start to try out new experiences, new paths, new activities - gingerly, you experiment and play around with this 'new' you!
For some time it seems quite fascinating, most new things seem like that at first, until the thrill starts to fade away gradually. You start to miss your old self. That safe haven of yourself - where everything and anything you did would not be looked down at with disdain, a self that would always forgive you no matter how wrong you were, a self that always sought to protect you and love you.
I know I sound a bit 'weird' out here, but that's just how one's real self makes one feel. You try on different coats in every phase of life, discarding one, putting on another - and you find that 'ONE' coat that seamlessly blends with you!
But there are times, when even though you know which 'self' you are most comfortable wearing - you still try out an appetizing one that just entered your horizon - then starts the whole rigmarole again.
I guess you finally settle with the real self only once you've tried out all the others, or you're exhausted trying other selves, or you are secure with this self and know that no other can ever make you change your mind about it. But, it may also happen, that you never find the self that gels with you. (Not to worry, you can always enjoy the plethora of selves in your lifetime).
Your life - gives you so much, you learn everyday, you unlearn too every now and then, you grow, you mature, you do child-like things, you suffer, you celebrate - you do so much and you don't even grasp how much you've actually done in a short span of time! Magical - that's how it is - Life and You!
I feel that some of you may not have really understood what I'm talking about or what the whole issue is about - but I just felt like writing what has been niggling and jabbing at my soul since quite some months now, so it's okay if you didn't get it - maybe you will understand it someday, one day.
It took me quite some time to put this down into words - never felt that I would get down to it.
I started off with this blog on a different note in 2009 and have meandered my way through it till now - the change is quite visible. It's like my life-story is actually penned down here - and it feels, 'inexpressible'.
I'm rambling now, sorry. I hope I return to writing about things that actually make an impact on me. I hope I begin writing again about things that matter, about ideas that help others, about just writing to express and not to impress.
Thank you loyal readers for being with me and Writing Revived!