28 October, 2009

Friends and Friendship

How does one describe a friendship? It’s meaning and value is different to each individual... we keep finding new friends during our lifetime – there are times when we think that we have found the best friend ever...but a few years down the line, you find another friend who seems to understand you better than the first one... things keep changing so much...even in friendships... there are times when you feel that a certain friend will go far in life with you.. but something happens that keeps the friendship short-lived and you are amazed that you thought that you could ever be good friends with so-and-so person... I’m not saying that the person would’ve been bad, it’s just that maybe you didn’t get along so well as you thought you would have...


There are a million things I could write here... friends – the people who make us feel that ‘oh, we do exist and are important’... actually friends distract all our psychiatric fears... fear of loneliness, fear of being an outcast, fear of not being loved, fear of not being heard/understood... and all the other innumerable fears that reside in the depths of our souls... You never realise where the time goes when you are with friends... time doesn’t seem to be enough to spend with friends, even if you meet them after years, months, days or hours... I could go on to minutes and seconds too... but that would be too extreme... though there are times like those too... personally I feel that friendship is one relationship that doesn’t bind you... you are free to go where you want, go as far as you want... and when you return, nothing would have changed... years passed would seem like just minutes passed [which it actually is, though that’s a minor point]... I have met so many friends and whenever we meet, it’s like nothing ever changed [except that some of them got married or something like that] but the essence of the friendship remains intact even after all those years... it’s purely wonderful when you think about it...


Plus of course, one always remembers the enormous support one gets from friends, though there are times when terrible arguments break out and a cold war ensues for a few weeks until a peace treaty is signed by both parties and mutual animosity is dissolved for sometime until the next volcano erupts, which again is reduced to ashes... enough of metaphors, i think... you get the point... it’s great to have a varied set of friends... you get to see so many dimensions to things in life, the unique ideas from each friend will never cease to amaze you... speaking of uniqueness.. every friend is unique in his/her own way... there is that one distinct quality that singles each one out and yet a universal feeling that runs through all your friends... love. Love between friends is indescribable – you can’t describe feelings as well as you can feel them – you can’t even express feelings as well as you feel them... it just Is.


Friends teach you so much and give you so much... our education about people would sure be stunted were it not for our friends in our lives. The good times with your friends teach you how to have fun with people, the rough times teach you to understand that all are human... the experiences one has with friends seem irreplaceable. You remember the silly, juvenile stuff you did even after decades... there you will be sitting in your armchair and telling your grandchildren about the time you and your friend tried bunking school only to find the principal blocking the back-gate... and your grandchildren will have a whale of a time trying to imagine you doing that... their imaginations would certainly boggle with the thought and would make it seem funnier than the story itself


Well, friendships are special – you know that. These days, it’s easy to take friends for granted, the excuses about ‘no time’, ‘busy with work’, ‘i’ve got my own troubles’ are always there... but you know what those excuses when used mean.


Value your friends. Love them. Respect them.


Thank you friends!

22 September, 2009

Plunge

I fall a lot these days,
I cut through the sharp air
And see the speeding land,
Rushing fiercely to meet me.


I fall into an empty space,
It 'seems' like a bottomless well.
And the darkness envelops to
Possess totally the body, mind and soul.


I fall repeatedly,
Down never ending stairs,
Over abruptly-edged cliffs
And right into sudden confusion.


I fight and fight - a long drawn one
Till my energy gives way
And then I meet Peace
And I keep falling.


I do not want this to end.
I need to keep falling,
I do not want to reach stable ground,
Because that would mean - The End.


The force of wind hits me,
And I wish to be One with it.
I want to mingle with nothingness
So that I could feel numb.


Numb to all the viciousness.
Numb to sense and foolishness.
Numb to demands and expectations
Numb to being Myself.

10 September, 2009

College Days

Well, the phases in life continue...and right now it's racing like never before - sometimes when I get a little free time, I wonder where all those carefree college days went by....those were the times when we would sit on the 'katta' and look at everyone passing by and comment a thousand times on the 'geeks' we spotted or on the 'snobby' ones....

Sitting for ages in the cafeteria, ordering our fav. dosas, vada pavs, chicken fried rice, nimbu paani and watermelon juice....aah....and then attending the classes themselves [if you were a regular student that is :)] - we wud secretly be messaging friends keeping our cells below the table so that the lecturer wouldn't catch us...though the lecturers were smarter and knew what we were upto...

The general outcry when submission of an assignment was announced makes one laugh now...and oh the endless arguments during a team project - made the head split and caused plenty of grumpy faces to appear all around, not to mention constant cribbings and back-stabbing...

Funnily, all this was forgotten when the time to say farewell came... all hugged each other, made promises to keep in touch, wrote farewell messages on arms, books, shirts and what-not other items....

Then came the parting of ways - each one in his/her direction - going forth into the seemingly 'big bad world' which is actually a manifestation of college life anyway...

Now, thanks to the social networking sites like Facebook, Orkut and cell phones, people are in close contact - though of course even now that is reducing... until some other revolutionary idea comes for people to connect once again... Twitter has made instant messaging even easier

quite a lot of bhaag-daud happening in everyones' life right now...all are engrossed in their careers for now while a minority are planning out their personal lives...hmmm.....life is pretty interesting, if only we had the time to step back and notice all that is happening.

we are so ignorant of the numerous exciting things that happen because we are so caught up in our assumed 'priorities' at this time...

Chill people, notice what's happening in your life - it will make life simpler instead of causing your head to feel like a pressure-cooker day-in and day-out.

Cheers to 'Phases of Life!!'

26 June, 2009

A Relationship

Relationship..... it means different things to different people. Some love to know that they are in a relationship with someone, others feel caged in a relationship, then there are those who see no point in having a relationship...there are singles out there wondering what it would be like to be in a relationship...and those who are in a relationship who want to get out of it....and others who love being in a relationship...

The grass always seems greener on the other side. How do you know what’s right for you? Do you go with the flow of things, do you plan your steps forward or do you just sit confused as hell? There are times when you long to be in a relationship but know deep inside that you are not prepared for it... it can tear an individual’s peace of mind to pieces... and then if you are in a relationship..You wonder where it’s going to take you and you wonder if you are doing anything wrong.... I feel that people get possessive in relationships when they fear that the relationship may fail... they want to hold onto the person they love not realising that their possessiveness could be the doom of the relationship...

There is no right time for a relationship... because at any given time, you will have a hundred different issues in your life... you will have to deal with all these factors simultaneously... the strength of your relationship is based on how you manage your time and focus on your relationship keeping in mind other factors affecting your life...

That way, you do need a certain level of maturity to deal with a relationship but then it’s a very individual decision at the end of the day... are you up to taking up a relationship? If you are not and your partner understands...then I should say...you’ve got a great partner!

If you are in a relationship then either you are extremely happy or a bit doubtful... the doubtful situation is really tricky... You are unable to decide if you want to go forward, halt or take a step back... confusion re-eigns!

If you are single... you’ve got the best deal... do what you want... wander wherever you want to... explore the several avenues open to you... till then you can decide if you are ready for a relationship...
There is so much more to all this... there are so many different opinions on this subject...

Follow your heart... you may have to meander your way but well, eventually you will end up somewhere... get there, decide if you are comfortable and flow with the feelings of your heart. There are various destinations... visit them and enjoy!

“Someday we'll know

If love can move a mountain...
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue...
Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you...

Someday we'll know
Why Samson loved Delilah...
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon...
Someday you'll know
That I was the one for you...”

- Mandy Moore & Jonathan Foreman [A Walk to Remember]

10 June, 2009

The Individual

Everyone needs someone in their life. At any given stage of life, people need the security of having someone next to them. Most individuals deep in their hearts like to have someone to lean on. No one can stay alone for long except if they are stranded all alone in a deserted spot. Even then they will make a friend out of anything that comes their way be it living or non-living.

Of course, most people now-a-days with their busy schedules and professional commitments would say that they love their independence, but at the end of the day, they need someone who will listen to them, who would be there for them so that they can ease the tiredness and stress of the individual.

It just feels extremely good to come home after a hard day at work to someone who greets you warmly, who keeps your dinner ready and who listens to your day’s events without interrupting except for maybe sympathising with you about a particular topic... you feel secure in the knowledge that there is someone who is just there – there for you - to love you, to listen to you and to understand you. When there is someone for you, it evokes in you an ecstatic feeling that transports you to a heavenly level which makes you want to hold onto it for infinity.

Once you know that there is someone for you in this world and in your life... you in a vague way feel complete. The emptiness in your life seems to dissolve and meaning seems to bloom in your life. The satisfaction that brims up in your heart makes you feel so very special. It’s lovely to feel that you are someone in someone’s life.

There are instances when you feel that you are better off alone...and there are times when your heart tugs to have a companion... When there is someone just for you ... the heart warming feeling you experience cannot be explained by mere words on this page here... the feeling transcends all languages except perhaps, the language of the heart !

03 June, 2009

DISCONNECTED

There are times when you sit vacantly gazing at the dusty ceiling... your mind is blank and you are unaware of your surroundings. The mind and heart seem so disconnected. Your mind tells you one thing and your heart narrates to you another thing. You try to grasp at some meaning or decision but you fail to because you are uncertain about listening to your mind more than your heart.

Why does it happen sometimes, that you have no idea why you feel a certain emotion? You are just clueless about the tears that cascade down your cheeks...the tears splash on your hands and you look at them wondering why they have been let out from the deep recesses. Those tears seem to come straight from the heart though you know for a fact that they come from your eyes... It seems like there is some connection.

Even so, your mind refuses you to acknowledge the circumstances at times. The mind can turn an angelic being into the cruelest monster by playing mind games and by tricking the heart into believing in false ideas. Where do you go from there? The heart seems so fragile and delicate... you want to protect it from harm... but what if your mind is the destroyer of your heart and you do not realize it?

You seem to drift away from yourself... Your mind is its own and your heart yearns for security. You try to create a balance; you have to trudge up the brittle slope to bridge the yawning gap between your heart and mind.

The journey seems tedious, you hurt yourself a million times in the process, the wounds seem to be deep and yet you push on... you ascend to that altitude and you see that all you have to do is – Believe in Yourself.

The connection between heart and mind has always been there. If you want to be aware of the connections’ existence just Believe in Yourself.

25 May, 2009

Boredom, Thou is a Burden

Staying alone in a 20*11 feet room for a week can turn anyone into a raving lunatic. During the past week that crawled by slower than a tortoise, I was affected so badly from this torturous period that I suffered from Short-term memory loss. Oh, the agony of going to fetch something from the cupboard only to stand dumbly before it wondering what in the world I had to get from it was exruciatingly mind spooking...

Limited communication with fellow humans drove me to considering if I had a dead voice box...I also felt that I was in solitary confinement having only the walls and floor for company, if you could call the non-living 'company'...

However, while I was under this slow death experience, I realised how torturing it must be for the prisoners who are subjected to being confined to a room for months with no contact with the outside world. It is a punishment for them I know, but the atmosphere and environment would probably escort them through an unforgettable experience which could give the gallows a run for its money... Living away from humans, no contact for days together, having no one to turn to, losing count of the hundred times it takes to just cross a minute... wild thoughts creep into the mind, dramatic images invade the mind stealing precious hours of sleep as you lay there petrified of the next thought or vision...you feel bound, helpless against the confinement - confinement of your own mind more than anthing else.

You want to break free, you want to feel the tender air again, you want to feel the touch of humans again, you want to experience the feeling of being one among the rest...you want to just be there and feel alive !

I believe we can unshackle our restrictive minds by just concentrating on the things that provide us with utmost happiness. If we focus on something that would bring pleasant memories to mind, I feel we will be able to get out of that seemingly dark phase and will be able to envision sunrays surrounding us with its warmth !!

08 May, 2009

The Black Dot


















I was walking up the hill with slow, thoughtful steps... and gradually I realized the meaning and truth of various aspects in life. Nature has an enchanting way of making you understand the nuances of life and has the power to cleanse your mind and heart gently. I trudged on, over dead crumbling leaves, dry soil, bare trees and skeletal streams… Beauty exists even in decay, I thought as I strolled through the unadorned scenery.

I entered a clearing and spotted an easel with a canvas stretched at length. 


I took a few tentative steps forward and noticed that it was blank, empty, vacant… but wait a moment, there was a black dot – a minuscule one painted on that canvas.

“What is the meaning of this?” I wondered aloud. 


“It means everything and nothing,” she said. 

I looked at the creator of the ‘black dot’ curiously. 

“What exactly do you mean by that?” I asked her. 

“It may mean the world to someone, however tiny the size. It may be a treasure, a promise, a hope and a light for someone.” She paused and continued to say, “It may mean nothing to another; a person may feel its insignificance, it could mean despair, misery, fear and loneliness for others.”

“But it could be both.” I interrupted. 


She smiled and said, “That’s true, though very few think that way…you can take it the way you want it to.”

A black dot says a lot… A black dot is everything and nothing.



[In my 3rd year of B.A, our lecturer had set us this topic of 'A Black Dot on a Canvas'... she gave us 15 minutes to think and write a short para on the topic.  It was a good exercise, as everyone got a chance to express their own ideas plus, it was an opportunity to improve our language skills, our story-telling and to identify our thought processes.]

Thank You Ma'am for setting us a wonderful chance to learn about ourselves!


Venice :)



19 March, 2009

The New Shift

Well, its been a long time since I last wrote... life was pretty busy... what with college ending, sitting for job interviews...and waiting to get placed somewhere. Once I got placed, then... I got busy because of work and travelling to and from work !! It's a tiring process but it doesn't matter much because I'm happy at my workplace... I get to learn so many new things each day.. plus I get to do work and I just enjoy the feeling of accomplishing a duty assigned to me.

My workplace is really good... the people are great... they guide me and teach me all that I need to know about my work. They assign me tasks and are very helping. On the lighter side, I get to drink free coffee and I get to access the net when I'm in office !!! That's pretty cool... and of course, I look forward to lunch hour because I get to watch the television then !! What more could one ask for?

Soon, we''ll be shifting to our new office...that's gonna be AWESOME !! I miss college...but I like working too.. Its a nice shift... I always wanted to join an office and work.. I've finally got my chance !!

18 February, 2009

Fail - to Succeed

There is a purpose behind things that happen in life. It may not always be clear as to what the purpose is, but deep down somewhere probably hidden in some un-noticed corner, a small, tiny purpose would be peeping from there.

Failures are stepping stones to success they say; that is because there is a reason to failing. You learn from that incident, you realize various sides to yourself and you understand yourself better. Most people feel that a failure means the end of the world. However, failures actually are of great help if you wish to improve as a person. It is tough, no doubt to face such situations, you may feel low and depressed at times like these... but in the end, seek the value that such incidents present to you.

It may also happen that you may go through a series of failures... it is up to you to pick yourself up and to progress after each fall. You need to go on, you need to keep trying because by trying each time you fail, you  keep gaining strength to move on towards better things in life. It may seem futile at times to keep trying but later when you do achieve a certain goal, you will be proud of yourself for persisting and for having tremendous courage to climb to that seemingly high target you had set for yourself.

Imagine the boost to your spirits !! You will be grateful for having trusting yourself, for believing in yourself, for doing your best, for motivating yourself on, for trying hard to reach that goal and for simply learning from the whole process.

It's going to be an uphill task, but you are rewarded quite well in the end. So keep going, you will find what you rightly deserve in your life.

24 January, 2009

Real?

There are times when i feel seperated from the world i live in. This world has invisible walls which make me feel trapped at times. I feel like breaking through it then, i try to find ways to escape and i wish that i could be far away from the restrictions the world imposes on me...
I then realise, that in the end, I'm the one responsible for all that i feel and think. The outer element may just influence my thoughts but what i conclude from those 'influences' is upto me and is in my control.
Do i have the right then to blame the world? Or why should i blame anything at all? Just because i am confused doesn't mean that i can find fault with other things...

Fault finding is universal.. because we start seeing faults with ourselves and then this gradually extends to the outside world too... It then comes back to where it started from... It's a total cycle, we aren't even aware of this fact half the time.

If we start instead with accepting ourselves the way we are, just imagine - the world would be truly real. I know, i know - most would say that 'we already can see the real world', but this so called 'real' world seems 'fake.' This is why people aren't satisfied with the world.. they know that it is fake but they refuse to accept the truth.

However, the world with its zillions of people continue to progress - quite unhappily... Lets see how long this goes on.. There will be a change sometime soon... People will begin accepting things for what they are and will stop being self-blinded individuals.

15 January, 2009

The Good Thorns


There is so much to learn in life... i feel that we get to learn the most when we are surrounded by unpleasant situations...cuz its mostly at such times when we get to know our true CHARACTERS.

It is extremely tough at that time...to go through the pain of it all... but if we don't go through such experiences.. our life would stagnate... 

Sometimes, we avoid reality because we feel that we don't have the strength to face it... but if we learn to face reality, if we learn to face our weak areas, if we learn to confront our flaws and graciously admit our faults, life will be real.

Most of us escape from facing our true selves because it's not as nice as our fake identities are.
It differs from person to person... I'm learning to gradually face my true self. it's not so good as I thought it would be... but what the hell.. at least I'm learning more about my inner self.
Its kind of challenging and slightly difficult to accept your true self because... you've been conditioned to have other identities given to you by other people in your life. Some of us  ignore our faults, others may push them away while a few may try to overcome their weak areas by working on them.

Our life is like a road... we come across flowers and we also come across thorns. The flowers are quite temporary... but if you go near the thorns, you may get pricked, bruised and hurt.. but when you pass through those thorns, you will be more aware of how to go through the toughness of life and you will know how tough you are from - the Inside.

07 January, 2009

A walk through the 'Woods'

Our life is a journey. We face various episodes in this journey. One episode in my life is - coming to XIC [Xavier's Institute of Communications]. Being in XIC is like an un-dreamt dream come true. I never thought that I would one day be a part of this Institution. 

XIC has given a new dimension to life. It's not easy to describe the experience in words. The course has made me aware of the little details that constitute our lives. The assignments, though extremely frustrating at times, have helped me realise my potential, my qualities, my strengths and areas in which I can improve. They have also taught me about the way a team functions and works towards one goal.

There were times when we were utterly bored... we would crack insane jokes, doodle in our books or just sit there, our minds totally blank.. not knowing what was happening in class. Sometimes we were totally exhausted and our eyes would close despite all our valiant efforts to keep them open.. of course our droopy eyes won and we would nod off to sleep in class until a sharp jab from our neighbour would wake us.

This course has helped all of us develop and grow... it has given us the chance to accomplish things on our own and has made us THINK on our own. No spoon-feeding out here.

There are just around four months left for us to finish this roller-coaster course. XIC has given us a miniature view on the real world outside. We have learnt a lot over here... and we will learn more when we step out from here.